Stop me if you have heard this before but I am going to repeat myself. As a woman of a certain age (and some inherent wisdom) I am usually having tremendous "fun in dating". I firmly think that dating should be fun if it isn't fun at this stage of a relationship, it is going to be really hard work at some point!
Today though that attitude was not very prevalent... A past weekend in cottage country that was to be so relaxing and fun and pleasurable with my beau turned out to be unfortunately dealing mostly with his 'inner 7 year old' (which unfortunately became his outer 7 year old for most of the weekend)!
I like to date well grounded, emotionally mature and available men who are not high maintenance or into drama. I am very blunt up front in the first and second dates: they get a Goddess and I get an alpha male (not a boy). Those that know me well know that I often say "when a Goddess is happy, the whole world is happy"... (I am paraphrasing a more cruder version of Mama Gena's saying btw)
So I was looking to vent or commiserate with someone and popped onto the "AndThat'sWhyYourSingle" blog site and got to read all about a "Reluctant Cougar".
Now I am considered cougar age - I don't think of myself that way but in society's view I am. In fact, a man that is significantly younger (19 years) than I am and who has been trying to date me for several months, asked me point blank if I could conceive of adding him onto my dating card. He took the "no" graciously and we amicably agreed that dating wasn't what he really wanted anyways (he is in fact still getting out of his marriage, still living with her in the same condo and really only wants to get over his celibate life... !). During the online conversation where I advised him that there were other women who think like I do and who do not need a man to complete them, he asked if I could coach him on tips on how to find and date a woman who could handle his somewhat bizarre living circumstances. I said "Of course I can - it is what I do for a living!". I am like a dating muse - a dating expert.
I mentioned that my initial advice was he needed to tap into a woman of maturity, someone who had her own place and her own life already and who would enjoy some good strong male attention - and, that he needed to make sure that is what he delivered! Show up as a man - not a boy. I know men think it is about them yet with a well grounded, emotionally mature woman, we are looking for the same in our men. We don't want to be a man's mommy nor his big sister (we have probably been both at some point in our lives to date). We want to have fun and pleasure in dating; we want to be the yin to the yang; we want to have the luxury of our inner sex kitten come out to play.
So in the writing of this I have recalibrated and now can remember that I have access to a wonderful guy in my life that gets the "queen rules". He comes up with a Plan A, a Plan B and maybe even a backup and then asks me to pick what we want to do - aka queen rules.
Actually, I have several men in my life that get two of my standard rules of engagement:: "it's often queen rules" and that "the little boy must die".
Over the years, I have coached, prodded and maybe even begged my guy friends to offer this type of dating maturity to women.
Today though that attitude was not very prevalent... A past weekend in cottage country that was to be so relaxing and fun and pleasurable with my beau turned out to be unfortunately dealing mostly with his 'inner 7 year old' (which unfortunately became his outer 7 year old for most of the weekend)!
I like to date well grounded, emotionally mature and available men who are not high maintenance or into drama. I am very blunt up front in the first and second dates: they get a Goddess and I get an alpha male (not a boy). Those that know me well know that I often say "when a Goddess is happy, the whole world is happy"... (I am paraphrasing a more cruder version of Mama Gena's saying btw)
So I was looking to vent or commiserate with someone and popped onto the "AndThat'sWhyYourSingle" blog site and got to read all about a "Reluctant Cougar".
Now I am considered cougar age - I don't think of myself that way but in society's view I am. In fact, a man that is significantly younger (19 years) than I am and who has been trying to date me for several months, asked me point blank if I could conceive of adding him onto my dating card. He took the "no" graciously and we amicably agreed that dating wasn't what he really wanted anyways (he is in fact still getting out of his marriage, still living with her in the same condo and really only wants to get over his celibate life... !). During the online conversation where I advised him that there were other women who think like I do and who do not need a man to complete them, he asked if I could coach him on tips on how to find and date a woman who could handle his somewhat bizarre living circumstances. I said "Of course I can - it is what I do for a living!". I am like a dating muse - a dating expert.
I mentioned that my initial advice was he needed to tap into a woman of maturity, someone who had her own place and her own life already and who would enjoy some good strong male attention - and, that he needed to make sure that is what he delivered! Show up as a man - not a boy. I know men think it is about them yet with a well grounded, emotionally mature woman, we are looking for the same in our men. We don't want to be a man's mommy nor his big sister (we have probably been both at some point in our lives to date). We want to have fun and pleasure in dating; we want to be the yin to the yang; we want to have the luxury of our inner sex kitten come out to play.
So in the writing of this I have recalibrated and now can remember that I have access to a wonderful guy in my life that gets the "queen rules". He comes up with a Plan A, a Plan B and maybe even a backup and then asks me to pick what we want to do - aka queen rules.
Actually, I have several men in my life that get two of my standard rules of engagement:: "it's often queen rules" and that "the little boy must die".
Over the years, I have coached, prodded and maybe even begged my guy friends to offer this type of dating maturity to women.
