Seek Substance Not Sex

"After the proposal to my Wife, Shawnda (my ex-girlfriend) came to me and said "I'm glad for you guys, but why did you marry her as opposed to me?" Shawnda said to me as tears of disappointment rolled down her light skinned cheeks. My reply was "There were some things that we (Shawnda and I) should not have done that we did; and my Fiancée did not allow me to do to her." Shawnda looked at me with Red eyes from crying and said "I understand" and left.

From the book "It's the Woman You Gave Me"

I remember my ex-girlfriend asking me this question like it was yesterday. "Why did you marry her as opposed to me?" It's so profound because today's society ex-girlfriends and boyfriends might ask this question after the one they broke up with is now married. There is one very crucial factor... premarital sex. Am I saying if you had premarital sex you won't have a successful marriage? No.

You can repent to God and make a decision that no one will touch you until the wedding night. But you can make a fleshly decision and marry the wrong one due to an unhealthy soul tie because of souls being intertwined causes your discernment to be altered. (For more information on this read 1Cor. 6:12-20)

To the Men: Since we are highly visual it can be easy for us to get caught up in looks as opposed to seeking more about her. There is nothing more frustrating to a man than a fine woman, shaped like a coke bottle with no substance. After you've slept with her and got her pregnant you then realize she has issues. Now you have to deal with her for the next 18 years mentally and financially. Now you see she lacks substance (after sleeping with her). All she talks about is the latest phone, reality T.V.

shows, the latest fashion and other people. Brothers can I get an amen!? Some men are so visual they don't care. They would rather put up with her nonsense, keep her on the side because she's so fine and get another woman who's slightly smarter than the one he's with.

Real men seek a woman who has a proper fear of God and she can pray for him when he's struggling and carries herself in such a way that he has to respect her. As a man, if we're attracted to you and date you of course we want to have sex with you. But a God fearing man displays self-control and that 1Cor. 13:4-7 love to her and honors God first, then her decision to remain celibate until marriage.

A Woman of Substance is:

-She not only reads her Bible but lives it. (James 1:22)
-She can talk about more than Jesus. She can discuss topics on what's happening in today's society, always willing to learn and she likes to read on things that can make her better and wiser.

-She stretches the man she's dating, helping him to expand his thinking. She understands if she marries this man, he has a vision for their family and to impact other people lives as well.

To the Women: I know he's fine and has it going on financially but did you take the time to see if he has anger problems or to see if he thinks women are beneath him and women owe him something cause his mother spoiled him growing up? I understand a woman wants to avail her sexuality to a man to prove she loves him. Unfortunately, men don't think the same way as women. If you gave it up too fast he's thinking "It didn't take much to conquer her, I'm on to the next one." Yes, I know it's sad but true. I used to think the same way before I gave my life to Jesus.

I used to use being a "gentlemen" as a way to get what I wanted from women. Since I was the first nice guy they meet (I had my own place, working every day, my own car, looked halfway decent and had no children) they give me their heart, share with me their feelings, hopes and dreams and you know what I get in return for "just being there to listen." It worked for me every time but I had no substance.

I'm not talking about the "hood rats" or "hoochie mamas" but the girls in church. I wasn't there to respect her and set an example of what a man of God looked like; but for my own selfish motives in turn wounding vulnerable women who later on in life would have trust issues with men because of what I'd done to their hearts not knowing who I was at the time.

Some women feel if they make a man wait to have sex she will lose him. The devil is a liar! Let him go; if he can't wait then he wasn't the one for you. Just because he looks like Idris Elba or Usher shouldn't mean he can "get it." After getting out the bed with that good looking guy you found out there was nothing in common but the sex. You found out he had no vision, can't keep a job, doesn't pay his child support and lives with his mother! A man of substance lets the woman know first "I'm not having sex until marriage."

Yea, it sounds corny and gay in today's society but a man shouldn't want to have sex with anyone but his wife. Since most men can't control themselves, they obey their sexual appetite in turn hurting Gods feelings in the process and wounding women. Sisters, show him there's more to you than your shape. Keep him interested in who you are and what you bring to the table as a true woman of God.

People Magazine Subscription Versus Online Web Site

Believe it or not intouch magazine , many people decide they do not need a People Magazine subscription ,
simply because people are not on line. While having one of the most popular sites on the Internet and allows you to stay permanently occupied some extent lack something that is often found in printed form prima magazine. What can you get by holding a magazine in your hand, you can not get just by looking on the Internet? You might be surprised by the answer .


First, only half of the points listed in People magazine is on celebrities, but all information is available on the website of People magazine celebrity basis intouch magazine.

The other half of the articles intouch magazine, which mainly consists of questions of human interest rates are only available through a subscription to People magazine . This is one of the main reasons why it is a good idea to have a subscription to the magazine so you can see everything that is printed , not just those that are freely available on the Internet kids magazine subscriptions intouch magazine.


Secondly, people give you the possibility to keep the magazine in hand and enjoy where you are. intouch magazine Most of us tend to have a break of at least part of the day and this can be a great time for us to enjoy our subscriptions to People magazine and catch up on the latest kids magazine subscriptions.

There is a lot of time whenever you like flipping through a magazine when I'm relaxing on the couch and the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer , browsing Internet kids magazine subscriptions . This is something you get from a subscription to People magazine , however , can not be achieved by viewing on line kids magazine subscriptions.


If you decide you want a subscription to People magazine , it is best to take your home to pick up this way in the store. Most of us tend to buy a popular weekly anyway whenever we are in the store to catch the last kids magazine subscriptions.

You can save a considerable amount of money, however, by having it delivered directly to your home prima magazine. They usually have free copies a month and then you can choose to receive at home. You will also pay a lot less money per item and usually save about 50% on the price you pay at the store kids magazine subscriptions.


kids magazine subscriptions Even if it's a good idea to enjoy surfing the web to capture the most recent magazine subscriptions celebrity people are too comfortable to pass up kids magazine subscriptions.

Not only that, the next time you pass by the magazine rack in the grocery line , you can neglect , and know exactly what the problem is kids magazine subscriptions.

Turn To The Lord

So things aren't working out for you right now, you don't know where to turn. The world may seem to be caving in and you don't know what to do and no one seems to have an answer that seems right or is helpful enough to solve the problem.

I say to you look up my friend to the Lord, Turn to Him for all your needs, today is the day to do this, it's not in the world that you seek knowledge but by every word of God, seek his path and begin to know what he desires from you not what others do.

If you could explain where your needs are to others they would not understand like Christ would, He desires to have a deep relationship with you. He wants you to turn to Him and ask for Him to help you. If it's not today then let it be tomorrow, pray my dear because this world will come to an end someday and you will be finding yourself longing to have known Him better and seeking His love and a relationship with Him. People will always come and go but our Lord Jesus Christ lives forever and comes to live with those who sincerely seek Him.

Don't let the world dictate to you what you need but learn to seek the Lord and His ways and your paths will be straightened. Jesus desires to walk with you, His desire is to help you understand that He loves you like no one on earth could possibly do or even understand. If you are seeking love from someone, do they really know you like your Father in Heaven? I say no.

Only God the Father and Jesus His only son know you in ways that you could not even possibly know. Your spirit that is within you and the spirit that only Christ can give, His Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit comes and lives in you you then desire to have that deep relationship with Jesus that changes you and makes you more like Christ and less like the world and what the world expects from you.

How do I know this? because He changed me. I used to live for the world and now I live only for Him. I trust Him, walk with Him and desire to strengthen my relationship with Him, because someday, I will be living with Him in eternity, which was His promise at the Cross.

So I say to you, what are you trusting? God or the World?

OMEN

Learn to seek the Lord and turn to Him in all your heart, soul and mind. Christ desires a relationship with you. You seek the world for answers but the world returns just empty promises, live for the promises of God, He loves you, shows mercy, kindness and patience. Why would you think that the world is without God? The world was made by God and Christ lives in those who believe in Him, the peace He puts inside of you can pass all understanding.

Relationship Advice - Are You In A Co-Dependent Relationship?

Relationships come with their own set of challenges the couple has to endure and overcome in order to stay together. But sometimes, the problem does not develop as a couple but is, instead, something that both parties have brought into the relationship. A prime example of this is co-dependency.

Being co-dependent means that each individual in the relationship are together because neither can stand the thought of being alone. If you looked at it from a couple's standpoint, it could be viewed as each person feeling they are only able to make up half of a perfect scenario and both sides are necessary in order to feel complete.

Some people might hear this and assume it would make for a good relationship. After all, each person feels they need the other one. What could be wrong with that outlook, right?

But being so dependent on your partner is a long way from having a healthy relationship. It takes you away from how you should be focusing on living your own life and devoting time and attention to your happiness - not your partner's. While there is nothing wrong with being committed in the relationship, there is such a thing as devoting too much attention to your partner and not enough to yourself.

When partner "A" is co-dependent on partner "B" it means partner "A" is relying on their partner to give them way too much to focus on. If they do not pay as much attention to partner "B's'' needs, then they will be forced to deal with their own shortcomings. They would be unhappy and feel trapped if they did not have partner "B" and their issues to dwell on.

Where does co-dependency come from? Although we are all born with an inner need to be dependent on our parents, being co-dependent takes that emotion quite a bit further. Instead of growing out of this need, we internalize it and expound upon it. Sometimes an event in our lives can take a simple dependency and catapult it into a major co-dependency.

How do you overcome being co-dependent? The first stage is to admit that there is, in fact, a problem. You simply cannot, and will not, accept help unless you realize it is a problem. Next, you need to seek help from a trained professional who understands what is necessary to overcome this addiction. If you try to tackle this problem on your own, you will only end up right back where you started.

Learn about yourself... are you in a co-dependent relationship? What emotions are at the heart of the problems you are experiencing? Stop and have a look at your beliefs?

Stages Of A Romantic Relationship

We are all caught off guard by relationships- they are inconvenient and time-consuming. We will change plans, long term and short term, sacrifice time, and sometimes, even move to a new home all in the name of love- or at least affection from another human being. With all that said, however, we find the stages of falling into a relationship exhilarating and the attained product to often bring security and fun- in the best cases. Though this process can be defined it can't always be controlled. Often we are swept up into it and only come up for air in the case of an argument or some time away. For what it's worth- here are the stages, defined.

1. Sparks Fly

We are always picking up the signals people are sending out. Just walking down the street, every individual person sends out and receives messages to you and from you. This reaction is very primitive, for example, dogs will instantly see friend or foe and begin to back away before you come close. It can be picked up by intuitive types of people but for most it is so quick, it can't even be consciously felt.
The first move involves a microscopic signal from one person. On some level, it is received and reflected by the other person.

Next, sparks are passed back and forth and finally make their way into tangible gestures- in other words, both people acknowledge the game that is playing out.

Finally, two things can happen. The thing that normally takes place is nothing. The sparks fly and slowly die out- they are sent out by one and not received by the other. The other thing that happens is that one person bravely approaches the situation. Introductions take place in new cases and the awkward elephant is called out in old friendships.

2. Dating/Introducing

This courting phase consists of back and forth jabber. Both people exchange stories of childhood/experiences to help the other see where they are coming from.
Though it may seem so, this stage isn't always in the Relationship Phase- at least not all at once. Some relationships go right to stage #3 and end up just fine.

3. Bonding

Physical bonding occurs in this phase. Either an emotional bond has already been founded or will soon follow. For many people, this is the "make-it-or-break-it" stage. This may or may not involve sexual-intercourse but most likely cuddling and other shows of affection. There's a considerable amount of pressure, typically, for this is the first stage of intimacy.

4. Going Public

After a relationship starts to go steady, one person in the relationship or both people in the relationship typically decide to go public. This may be as slight as changing the status on your Facebook page or it could be as big as introducing the partner to friends and family. Just as in #2, this stage is a process and isn't always done all at once.

5. Change of Scenery

Typically, this is the first big sacrifice made on either part of the relationship. Whether a couple takes turns in staying at each other's abodes or the favored "hang-out" spot of one person becomes their partner's as well. Some people may decide to permanently move in with their partner is this stage.This is where frustration may begin to settle.

6. Arguments

This isn't always a factor in relationships but many people suffer through at least a "first big argument". The way that this is presented depends solely on the two involved.* These arguments stem from minor misunderstandings, a feeling of being "trapped" in a confined partnership, and/or psychological/ulterior motives- a way to "test" a partner's loyalty.

Cycling

Many of these phases will be repeated in a relationship. What is the goal, where is it going? People often wonder why they ever got into the relationship in the first place. There are people that just aren't satisfied and it has nothing to do with the variable at hand- when they are in a relationship they wish to be single and visa verse.

Once a relationship has been established and bonded - arguments, love, and changes of scenery are bound to take place. The list above is a skeleton- no two couples are alike but this creates a framework for those that like to judge the abstract.

7 Reasons Why Men Pull Away

A love story that lasts forever is what all women want. But in most cases, we find our partners showing disinterest and pulling away from us. While there is not one particular reason why men pull away, it is a good idea to identify the common ones and see if it fits the bill in individual cases. Pin pointing the reason and working on it could save the relationship.

1. Space problem: By space we don't mean space in the wardrobe or the couch. It means breathing space which each and every individual craves. If a man feels stifled, he will pull away faster than you realize. So, give your man the kind of space that you too like to have and watch him remain loyal to you for as long as you want.

2. Boring relationships: The worst part of a relationship is that after some time the thrill evaporates. We get too condescending about it and forget to nurture it. Couples lose interest in each other and conversation and physical aspect of the relationship dwindles. This is a major reason why men pull away.

3. Over possessive women: Women are near perfect apart from the fact that they can be very possessive about their stuff, including their men. And the bad news is that men do not like it at all. Even men can be very territorial at times but it has been found that women actually enjoy this, unlike men.

4. Criticize with care: And that too only if you have to. If you go on and on about his habits, his mannerisms and his mistakes, he will block you out. Nothing harms a relationship more than negative criticism. Nobody likes to be reminded of his drawbacks day in and day out. Draw and line here and remember never to criticize in public.

5. Getting along with his friends: This is a vital point with most men and a valid reason why men pull away. He may find you to be perfect for him but if you cannot get along well with his friends, he doesn't mind sacrificing you.

6. Nurturing sex: Initially the sex might have been terrific but lately you may have lost some interest. Men attach a lot of importance to sex and like things to be lively. This is one area that you cannot be too condescending about.

7. Publicity: Men are not very public about anything that they consider to be private. Women have a tendency to make public even the most private of things. The result is a contention that is difficult to dissolve. If you have to talk to your friends, then remember to omit out the parts which he wouldn't like you to discuss. Privacy is valuable to him and you ought to respect his feelings.

While there are many reasons why men pull away, these reasons are more common in relationships. If you truly love your man, then do not let him go away from you. Rectify the mistakes that you may have been making and work on the relationship with care.

Seek Substance Not Sex

"After the proposal to my Wife, Shawnda (my ex-girlfriend) came to me and said "I'm glad for you guys, but why did you marry her as opposed to me?" Shawnda said to me as tears of disappointment rolled down her light skinned cheeks. My reply was "There were some things that we (Shawnda and I) should not have done that we did; and my Fiancée did not allow me to do to her." Shawnda looked at me with Red eyes from crying and said "I understand" and left.

From the book "It's the Woman You Gave Me"

I remember my ex-girlfriend asking me this question like it was yesterday. "Why did you marry her as opposed to me?" It's so profound because today's society ex-girlfriends and boyfriends might ask this question after the one they broke up with is now married.

There is one very crucial factor... premarital sex. Am I saying if you had premarital sex you won't have a successful marriage? No. You can repent to God and make a decision that no one will touch you until the wedding night. But you can make a fleshly decision and marry the wrong one due to an unhealthy soul tie because of souls being intertwined causes your discernment to be altered. (For more information on this read 1Cor. 6:12-20)

To the Men: Since we are highly visual it can be easy for us to get caught up in looks as opposed to seeking more about her. There is nothing more frustrating to a man than a fine woman, shaped like a coke bottle with no substance. After you've slept with her and got her pregnant you then realize she has issues. Now you have to deal with her for the next 18 years mentally and financially. Now you see she lacks substance (after sleeping with her).

All she talks about is the latest phone, reality T.V. shows, the latest fashion and other people. Brothers can I get an amen!? Some men are so visual they don't care. They would rather put up with her nonsense, keep her on the side because she's so fine and get another woman who's slightly smarter than the one he's with. Real men seek a woman who has a proper fear of God and she can pray for him when he's struggling and carries herself in such a way that he has to respect her.

As a man, if we're attracted to you and date you of course we want to have sex with you. But a God fearing man displays self-control and that 1Cor. 13:4-7 love to her and honors God first, then her decision to remain celibate until marriage.

A Woman of Substance is:

-She not only reads her Bible but lives it. (James 1:22)
-She can talk about more than Jesus. She can discuss topics on what's happening in today's society, always willing to learn and she likes to read on things that can make her better and wiser.
-She stretches the man she's dating, helping him to expand his thinking. She understands if she marries this man, he has a vision for their family and to impact other people lives as well.

To the Women: I know he's fine and has it going on financially but did you take the time to see if he has anger problems or to see if he thinks women are beneath him and women owe him something cause his mother spoiled him growing up? I understand a woman wants to avail her sexuality to a man to prove she loves him. Unfortunately, men don't think the same way as women. If you gave it up too fast he's thinking "It didn't take much to conquer her, I'm on to the next one." Yes, I know it's sad but true. I used to think the same way before I gave my life to Jesus.

I used to use being a "gentlemen" as a way to get what I wanted from women. Since I was the first nice guy they meet (I had my own place, working every day, my own car, looked halfway decent and had no children) they give me their heart, share with me their feelings, hopes and dreams and you know what I get in return for "just being there to listen." It worked for me every time but I had no substance.

I'm not talking about the "hood rats" or "hoochie mamas" but the girls in church. I wasn't there to respect her and set an example of what a man of God looked like; but for my own selfish motives in turn wounding vulnerable women who later on in life would have trust issues with men because of what I'd done to their hearts not knowing who I was at the time.

Some women feel if they make a man wait to have sex she will lose him. The devil is a liar! Let him go; if he can't wait then he wasn't the one for you. Just because he looks like Idris Elba or Usher shouldn't mean he can "get it." After getting out the bed with that good looking guy you found out there was nothing in common but the sex.

You found out he had no vision, can't keep a job, doesn't pay his child support and lives with his mother! A man of substance lets the woman know first "I'm not having sex until marriage." Yea, it sounds corny and gay in today's society but a man shouldn't want to have sex with anyone but his wife. Since most men can't control themselves, they obey their sexual appetite in turn hurting Gods feelings in the process and wounding women. Sisters, show him there's more to you than your shape. Keep him interested in who you are and what you bring to the table as a true woman of God.

Why Men Pull Away From Women

"Why do you behave like this?" "Don't you love me anymore?" These are just two of the most often asked questions of women to their partner. Women often think that men are very unpredictable and that they have the tendency of having an easy change of heart. But what they do not know is that men are very easy to read. So, for you women out there who feel that your partner is starting to pull away from you, read this article up to the very last sentence and you might just be able to save your relationship before it's too late.
Constant fighting

One of the many reasons why men pull away from women is because they are tired of fighting with their partner. Men can be easily irritated when they are always being scolded. For this reason, when you encounter problems with your boyfriend, try not to start a quarrel with him. Instead, approach him in the nicest way that you can. Discuss how you feel and be open to him. When you do this, he will also do the same and thus this will allow the both of you to be able to talk about matters at hand without scolding one another.

The feeling of suffocation

Sometimes, men can feel much suffocated especially when women always want to be around him. This is a big NO-NO for women. Instead, let your partner hang out with his friends and do not limit him of the things that he can do. Always remember that some of his friends were already part of his life even before you arrived. After all, if he really loves you, he will never break the trust that you gave him. Furthermore, do not text or call him every hour of the day. You are his girlfriend, not his mother.

The need of having some time alone

You might not believe this but some men also wants to spend some time alone. Men do not usually want to let others see his weaker side. Thus, when he experiences difficulties like family problems or other personal issues, he prefers to handle it on his own. For this reason, try not to constantly text him or call him during this kind of situation. Instead, trust in him and understand him. For sure, he will also miss you and will call you in no time.

Other reasons for pulling away

Aside from the mentioned problems above, there are still a lot of reasons why men pull away from women. Thus, if you feel like your boyfriend is slipping away, try to evaluate the things that might have caused it. Furthermore, try to "reinvent" yourself if needed. Always remember that deep inside, men would also like women to take care of them. Lastly, do not get too jealous about his friends especially those of the opposite sex. This will only cause damage to your relationship. Instead, trust in him and show him how much you love him.

Men pull away for many different reasons... but it may not be the reason you think! If your man appears to be "getting distant" lately or is just a complete commitment phobe, I'd like to introduce you to someone that can help... TW Jackson. T Dub is an ex commitment phobe that reveals the deep dark reasons that may be keeping your man from getting past his own issues and committing to you! So, if you want to find out the real reasons why men pull away you'll need to watch this free video on the blog!

Pursuit of Happiness, It's an "Inside Job"

When it comes to life, we all want and embrace happiness whenever we get it. Many people are seeking happiness from all sorts of things and places. Happiness by its very nature is based on circumstances, whilst joy is not dependent on circumstances. Joy is internal and can't be touched by the outside. This is why many people in seemingly worse circumstances can be full of joy whilst those in seemingly better circumstances are miserable.

Joy springs forth from within. Its an 'inside job', the movies tell us. That phrase is applicable to many things. We have seen a global shift over the last few years and we shall continue to see it. Its a shift for people to stop dwelling on the external things so much, but turn inward.

Meditation is now a key element across all religious platforms and its definitions varying from one spiritual belief to the next. To some meditation implies sitting down and closing their eyes and focussing on an image of their choice etc to taking a passage of scripture and pondering on it. Either way, all these things foster the idea that after all, what we are seeking for is not found in the hustle and bustle of life but on an inside place.

One key I have found in the steps of living a life of joy and finding happiness is knowing oneself. Finding who you really are from the core. Step further being to identify your purpose, this is often easier said than done, but its doable. In many cases its a journey of self discovery. Turning the tables from figuring other people out to figuring yourself out.When one lands in a place of purpose, its a spring of life, a person comes alive.

If you take a fish out of the fish tank or from the body of water, it becomes life less. A fish was born for water. its fins, its tail, everything about the fish screams "I BELONG IN WATER". When you do throw the fish in water, oh my goodness, it springs alive. Its ability to be a genius emerges, this is because it has found or has been connected to its turf. There is a turf that has your DNA, it knows your voice. The issue is never that you don't have a calling, but the real deal is will you answer.

So when it comes to the pursuit of happiness. The journey starts from the inside, identity and purpose. Joy versus external circumstances. Be empowered, and always remember you have an UNCOMMON DESTINY!!

Relationship Advice - Tips to Help You Move On After Breaking Up With Your Partner!

Breaking up with your partner who you loved and thought loved you, is never an easy deal. After all, you were with that person for a reason. It really doesn't matter why you broke up because you still have to take the same steps to get moving forward in your life. So many people get stuck in the sadness of a breakup and they never really move forward. Worse yet, they might jump back into another relationship too soon, carrying all of their previous relationship baggage with them.

Let's talk about three tips you can use to get you moving again in your life, but in a healthy manner.
The first thing you have to do is allow yourself to grieve the loss. Don't try to pretend it didn't happen or that you're not sad. It is completely normal to be sad and grief-stricken over the breakup of your relationship. Your life is going to change.

Every day will be different to the past. This is to be expected, and you need to work through the grief in order to get to the other side. One important step to take is to have no contact with your ex partner for at least 60 days - no texting, no email, no talking, no FB checking - no anything. This will help you get over the breakup much more quickly.

Another tip would be to find a new hobby or pastime you can start to immerse yourself in. Use it as a way of diverting your attention and making new friends. This is not to say you shouldn't deal with the sadness, but you need to start to replace the sadness with happier events. Perhaps you've always been interested in taking dance classes or you like to cook. Get involved in something totally new that is a little bit outside of your comfort zone.

Another important part of getting over a breakup is giving yourself some time alone. This means you shouldn't run out and immediately get into another relationship with someone else. If you do, any new relationship is really doomed to fail because you're still carrying so much of the emotional baggage with you from your previous breakup. Give yourself time to know what it feels like to be on your own so you can clear you head, and gain some strength and independence within yourself. And also to think about the traits you are looking for in a partner.

Pretty much everyone on the planet has experienced at least one breakup in their life. It's not easy for anyone, but people overcome the sadness of a breakup every single day. You have to give yourself time and allow yourself to feel those waves of despair. Know they will pass and you will get to the other side and be happy again.

This is a good time to learn about yourself... what makes you who you are? What are your values? Were destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you experienced with your relationship? These are some of the questions you need to answer and work on before getting into a new relationship.

Secrets for a GREAT Relationship

One of the greatest challenges for us is to 'enjoy' people and therefore 'enjoy' life. Other turbulence, do have an impact. They do leave lessons and scars. But, relationships gone wrong can leave behind deep throbbing hurtful wounds that blur vision of life.

Like the proverbial lighthouse that guides sailors in the darkest of the nights, a few beliefs have guided me in relationships even in nightmarish situations.

Here are those relationship navigators. Whenever I have done well, I have lived by one or a few of them. Every time I messed up (sometimes I have... ouch), I failed to live by one of them.

1. Let go of those people who are not there anymore. Especially the hurtful ones.
    They suck energy out of your today.
2. Always give sincere people, one more chance.
3. Tolerate idiots. In fact, work with them. Create them. Help them. Never tolerate insincere people.
4. Stay in touch with genuine people, no matter what.
5. Stay in touch with people who stood by you. NEVER desert them.
6. Nurture relationships with people who are better than you. It is a great exercise to bust your ego.
7. Treat EVERYONE with kindness and respect. You will feel peaceful. It's more for you and less for them.
8. Forgive yourself, if you have learnt from your relationship mistakes. Stop being guilty. Move on.
9. Forgive others and move on too. Let go of hurt and focus on being cheerful and happy.
10. While dealing with petty issues, do not become petty.
11. Learn to release your anger and frustrations through 'something' and not on somebody.
      Or else, you will hurt yourself and your dear ones.
12. Free yourself from the company of negative people. Right NOW.
13. Be the greatest 'good finder' in people. Tell them the good in them.
      That is what each one of us needs - Someone to tell us, what is good in us.
      Even if we know it, listening to it, serves a great morale booster.
14. Always praise. Never flatter.
15. Always want to 'give MORE' than what you receive. This is a must in any great relationship.
16. Write one thank you note, everyday... to different people.
17. Avoid being sarcastic. Ignore the sarcasms.
18. Listen. Listen. Listen. And then, listen a little more.
19. Discuss. Do not argue.
20. Never remind people what you have done for them. Always remember, what they did for you.
21. Be worthy.
      Worthy of affection, worthy of care, worthy of trust, worthy of your words, worthy of love, worthy of           abundance.
22. Never hurt others. It's not worth it. Revenge never heals. The hurt remains. Only forgiveness heals.
23. Whatever happens, be trustworthy. The biggest let down in relationships is breaking of trust.
24. If you are even slightly wrong, say sorry emphatically and immediately. Do this without any explanations.
      Do you have any guidelines that you want to share with us? Things and thoughts that have worked for           you? We would love to read your ideas about the three best things that have worked for you in                     relationships.

How to Reduce Negative Thoughts in a Relationship By Ryan D Neely ?

Negative thoughts in a relationship can destroy a relationship before it ever has time to build. Some relationships never develop into engagements or marriages because of one or both people's thoughts rather than their actions. With negative thoughts being such a danger for relationships, let's talk about some ways to avoid thinking pessimistically.

One way to avoid negative thoughts in a relationship is to date or marry somebody that you trust. If you are in a relationship with somebody that you are unsure of, you should get out of that relationship. Do not stay in the relationship for comfort purposes just to be in a relationship. If you do so, you will end up searing your mind due to the negative thoughts you will harbor in from your lack of trust.

Another way to avoid negative thoughts is to examine your own thought process. Do you go into relationships expecting somebody to mistreat you? Do you try to find bad things in the person you are dating? Do you not believe in true love? If so, you need to have your mind changed and renewed. Take some time to see a psychologist to explain what you have been through or seen and regain hope to land an excellent relationship.

A really good way to encourage positive thinking in a relationship is to establish consistent accountability with each other. Have a daily routine of fellowship for different times of the day. Have a set time to call and talk to each when you are away from each other. Let each other know when or if you may be unavailable at certain times of the day. Doing these things will strengthen the channels of communication and the thoughts you have about your partner.

Last but not the least, to avoid destructive thoughts in a relationship, be dedicated to your partner and your partner only. Do not be insecure by trying to talk to other potential dates on the side in case things with your partner do not work. If you do this, you will spend your time in confusion. It will be hard for you to fully focus on your partner. Therefore, you will wonder if your partner is fully focusing on you as well.

As you can see, there are some things you can do to avoid negative thoughts in a relationship. Therefore, put these things into place and be on your way to loving the person of your dreams!

Listen to Yourself

I don't know if there could ever be a definitive consensus on how many people actually listen to their inner person as it relates to relationships. But, I'm going to take a stab at it by saying there are more who don't than those who do. There could be a number of reasons why this is so, but most popular I would say is the result of being alone.

I would imagine everyone desires to be in a loving committed relationship; however, many of us allow ourselves not to be one. Now, I understand the fact that men and women are different in many ways, but one way we are not different is when it comes to listening to ourselves. Perhaps we are wired slightly different and the most obvious difference is our anatomical make-up, but both men and women are similar when it relates to our emotional feelings. Each of us experience some sort of emotion daily; importantly, emotional feelings of being treated either good or bad.

Relationships are already difficult enough with trying to establish healthy and happy co-existence. The last thing we need is to pretend as if our co-existence is healthy and happy. Now I do understand nothing will ever be perfect, and I hope no one believes this to be either. But relationships can be healthy and happy without perfection.

However, when I say without perfection, I'm not including deceitful behavior, manipulative behavior or any other behavior that will end is someone's heartache resulting from selfish reasons. But we all know this is absolutely impossible for some people to exclude for one reason or another. What I mean: people tend to treat others wrong because either something has occurred in their own life, or because they know they are able to get away with it; possibly both. At any rate, those of us who happen to be the ones being mistreated we know when something doesn't feel right, it doesn't take a genius to figure it all out. You're body reacts just as if it is reacting to stress.

However, so many of us ignore what our body is saying. When I refer to body I'm simply referring to that thing called the "gut". I know men hate when woman use the words "women's intuition", therefore, I'm not considering it to be a woman's intuition; it's simply the "gut", and both men and women have it. I don't believe for a minute each of us do not know when we're in a unhealthy and unhappy relationship, we just choose to ignore it; postponing the inevitable, causing further damage to ourselves.

My girlfriend once asked me if I thought her boyfriend was cheating and whether or not she should leave him if he is, my reply was "I don't know, but I bet you do". I didn't say it with the intent of being sarcastic or even to hurt her; only stating the obvious. If you have to ask someone else whether they believe your mate is cheating and should you leave them, well, let's just say, you already know the answer before you even ask.
The two of them had been living together for a couple of years already; I would imagine she could answer her question much faster and with good reason without asking anyone else.

But then again, I thought maybe she asked because she wanted me to lie and tell her I didn't believe he was cheating; after all, how would I know when I'm not around either one that often. Granted, she confided in me on a number of occasions, but it wasn't for me to answer; that was her relationship. Not only that, one of the biggest problems we have as women is involving our girlfriends in our personal life. And one of my biggest pet peeves is getting friends involved in my relationships.

I learned firsthand, they will either lie to you just to comfort you, and in some cases they will allow their own situations and emotions to get caught up in the advice they give. Oh, and let's not forget about those friends who are single and bitter. I mean no harm when I say, if you ask a friend for advice pertaining to your own relationship and their still healing from their own breakups, chances are, they probably aren't able to give you the kind of advice you really are looking for. This is like asking someone who failed an exam to help you study for your own exam. When you ask for advice or help ensure they're in a position to give the right advice/help. This includes knowing the entire situation, excluding biases and bitterness.

Understand, friends are great to have, and it gives you someone to unload on when you need to, but truly, when it comes to something as important as staying or ending a long term relationship, you have to be the one to make that decision. Others opinions will only cloud what truth you already have within. We know when change needs to take place; it doesn't take any advice from others to make the decision because only you have to live with your decision. Although receiving advice is good in certain circumstances, it doesn't mean it's best for all circumstances. As difficult as love and relationships are, trust your inner feelings and make the best decision for your own happiness.

I can't stress it enough; if you want to truly know what you should do in your personal relationship, listen to yourself; the best and only advice someone can give. And don't be afraid to be alone, trust me, it builds self respect and a standard for how you will allow others to treat you.

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Signs You Are Getting Relationally Healthier

Did you know that no matter how bad or unhealthy of a background you came from, it doesn't mean that you are stuck there and that things can't get better. There are some things you will likely need to do as a lifestyle modification for the better. We can make choices to be more physically fit or how we eat to modify a healthier life style, the same can be done for relational choices.

There are key points you can look for to know you are getting healthier if you are already on that journey.

1. You take it slow in the beginning phases of a relationship. This means you aren't getting physically involved when you barely know the person you began the relationship with. You aren't talking about getting married, and how many kids you want on date 2. You don't bring up heavily emotionally charged content so early on. While it's normal to want to be with this person more, you recognize that a healthy relationship takes time to develop and unfold slowly.

2. Your identity doesn't become enmeshed and entangled with each other. You still have your sense of identity. It didn't blur into your relationship with your significant other. It also means you have healthy time apart as well as intentional times together. It doesn't mean that it's the end of the relationship if your new sweetheart wants some space. Give him or her some time to miss you, and for them to know you are secure also to stand on your two feet as well as with them. This is one of the keys for a healthy relationship.

3. You take the time to know your values. Everyone has a sense of value system whether they recognize it as that or not. Some are comprisable, and some are not. Recognize what are not, and when you meet someone and are getting to know them, these are the questions to find out before getting deeply emotionally involved. To ignore what's important to you or what you cannot compromise will only be a source of stress and arguments for the relationship down the road.

4. You've recognized toxic or unhealthy behaviors early on, and had the strength to choose not to get involved. This is really a big key to knowing you are much healthier, if you used to attract unhealthy individuals. That doesn't mean those unhealthy individuals don't suddenly stop being attracted to you, it's that you've recognized the unhealthy behaviors, and no longer want to invite toxic into your life. "Thank you, but no."

5. You are able to alter your self-narrative in your mind about yourself. Being unattached doesn't mean you're undesirable or unlovely. You're now able to recognize that you are responsible for choosing what kind of relationships you will allow in your life. Often, it may mean saying no to a lot of unhealthy individuals, so you will be available when the right ones come across your path.

Just like when a person is losing weight, when you look at the number of pounds less on the scale, it can be a very big encouragement. It's no different with relationships, especially if you've come from a dysfunctional background. You wonder how you know you are really ready for a relationship, and how you are getting healthier. The points listed above are just some of the characteristics that reflect healthier relationships.
Perhaps you've gotten out of relationships that have deeply hurt you, and it's been time to keep growing emotionally and how you relate to others. Meaningful relationships are important to emotional health.

Does Your Life Need To Change?

Think of a relationship like a journey. But in this case, you are sharing it with someone else. A lot of factors go into the relationship that will determine whether it will succeed or not. Just like when you are packing for a trip somewhere, certain things need to be in your suitcase in order for you to have a successful vacation or whatever. If you don't have those things packed, you will either have to buy them somewhere or do without for the duration of your journey.

The problem is, you cannot buy the ingredients you need for a relationship, they have to be developed by your choices in your life. Will I be a kind or mean person? Will I fly off the handle easily and get angry or hurt at the slightest thing that goes wrong? Will I seek to be close to God who loves me dearly or will I choose another way to try to find that peace I need in my life? Am I going to be a giver or a taker all my life? Am I going to be a forgiving person or hold grudges?

The list goes on and on. You can make your own list if you like to help guide you to better relationships. Maybe you can get the opinions of your friends and family about your personality, then compare your answers to these questions against theirs.

Where am I going to look for people to be in a relationship with? Am I going to try to do it on my own or ask God to help me find the right person? Who am I going to blame if things go wrong, or am I going to take responsibility for my own actions, then ask for help when I need it? If you look in a bar for someone to care about, it is unlikely you will find the right person. Let's just say the odds are against you finding the one you need. If I ask for God's help to find someone special, am I willing to wait for His timing? God's first priority for your life or anyone's is for you or them to be close to Him, God's way.

Are there things in your life that need to change before you can be a good partner to someone? Are you willing to put forth the effort to make these changes with God's help? Look for people to be close to who are honest and nurturing, not condemning so you can grow and not be under guilt all the time. Be patient with yourself and God as you work together to make your life better. Put Him first in your life, and He will help you with the rest of what you need.(Matthew 6:33)

Don't be afraid of questions like these. They are good to help you analyze your life, but don't think you need all the answers before you can be close to God or have a relationship. Some answers you will learn before a new relationship starts, unless you rush it. Other answers will come as you grow as a person in many ways. And some answers will happen when you have the relationship and you and your partner will hopefully learn them together and apply them properly. Put God at the center of your life and relationships, and watch how much you will be blessed.

I guarantee if you do this you won't believe the good things God will work out for you. That doesn't mean you will never have bad things happen, but God will work the bad things around for your good.(Romans 8:28) Remember, good and bad people have good and bad things happen in their lives. But it is how you react to the circumstances and where you turn for answers that will determine the course of your life. Will you turn to God or turn away when the bad things happen?

Only you can answer these and other questions that pertain to you. No one can force you to be close to God because you have a free will to do so or not. God created you with that gift. But it is what you do with the gift that counts. God loves you! Will you let Him help you make your life better so your relationships will succeed? I will be praying that you do as you grow spiritually in God's grace.

Relationship Advice - Is Your Man Bouncing Back And Forth In Your Relationship?

You are in a committed relationship. Everything is going fine. And then, all of a sudden, your man pulls away from the relationship. Then he comes back. Then he pulls away again. Which leaves you wondering what is going on! Ladies, your man is experiencing the "rubber band effect" of a relationship. Unfortunately, as crazy as it can make you feel to witness, it is normal for some men.

Why do men rubber band back and forth into and out of a perfectly good relationship? It could be any number of reasons...

They could be afraid of losing touch with who they are. Men are not known for making the transition from "me" to "we" like women are able to do. It isn't because men are self-centered, it's because women have a much more natural ability to bond than men do. This allows women to make the transition into a relationship much smoother than men.

They may not be ready to commit. Women can sometimes see more potential in a relationship earlier on than men are. Men are interested in the "here and now" while women can concentrate more on what can transpire down the road. Men can do this intentionally... or unintentionally. Unintentional means they do it automatically without having to think about it, usually because of the way they are wired. But when men do it intentionally, it could be because they aren't quite ready to be exclusive.

As good as a relationship can be, some men just can't shake the feeling there could be someone better out there: someone they haven't yet met.

They are leery of being hurt. Women aren't the only ones who get hurt in relationships. Some men get blind-sided when they believe everything to be going along perfectly... and then they get dumped. When this has happened to a guy, he has his defenses up. Your current relationship could be going along beautifully, but he could still be on guard since this is how he felt the last time he was blown out of the water.

He could be unsure of himself. Some men fall for a woman and then, when things start to get serious, the man will start to wonder if he is actually good enough to keep the woman. It could be low self-esteem. It could be the women intimidates him. It could be he is just scared of losing her. Whatever the reason, cut him some slack.

What emotions are at the heart of any problems you are experiencing with your relationship? Are they destructive emotions? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs?

The Relationship Test

How valuable is a relationship to you? Is it something you want to last a long time or get tired of right away and discard it? Some people don't want long commitments while others want something that will last many years. You had better make sure your ideas on this subject match with the person you are thinking of developing a relationship with or there will be heartbreak in your future. Here are some thought-provoking questions you need to ask yourself before you jump into a relationship with someone:

1) Why do you want to be in a relationship at all? Is it because you are trying to escape a situation in another part of your life, like an abusive home environment, intense loneliness, etc? When we get into a relationship, it should be because we care about that person and want to be committed to them, not because we are trying to escape something else. A trap is right around the corner with heartbreak waiting to happen if you persist in doing this to yourself.

2) What are you bringing into the relationship besides caring and loving that person? Do you have a lot of emotional baggage from other relationships you are bringing into this one? If you do, without fixing what is wrong first, you will overload the new relationship and perhaps set yourself up for a new heartbreak. For an example, my first wife and I lived in a little house during our marriage that only had one small closet, not nearly enough space for all of our clothes. We always felt crowded because there wasn't room for what we had.

The same thing happens when you bring baggage from other parts of your life to the new relationship because it is hard enough getting used to the new situation without overloading it with excess problems. This is not to say you shouldn't bring anything into a new relationship, but some people store up so much baggage over a lifetime that it ruins the new relationship before it has a chance to grow. It would be like constantly digging up a flower you had planted in the ground because you didn't like where you had put it. There would be no chance for its roots to develop so the beautiful flower could be seen.

3) Have you looked at yourself inwardly, to see if there are recurring attitudes and other things that could sabotage your new relationship? If you don't do this, you are bound to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. This question is sort of like the question about baggage, but stated a different way. An old saying is, "If you don't learn from history, you are destined to repeat it". This is true of relationships also, because if you don't pay attention to the causes of what is happening in your life, you will always be doing the same things over again, and perhaps putting the blame where it doesn't belong.

4) Why do you want to be in a relationship with this person? Physical attraction? Good job? Nice amenities? Or because you genuinely love and care for them? My wife and I met online and got married. But the first three or so years of our marriage were really hard because we were homeless for most of that time.

We didn't know this was going to happen to us when we got married, but later on after our marriage, neither one of us was able to work because of physical problems, yet our love for each other deepened during this time, instead of crumbling because our love was strong and it was grounded in God, not in worldly reasons for a relationship. Things have vastly improved for us now, but we have learned a lot from all we went through so we can better help others around us in our ministries.

5) Is God at the center of your relationship? Within two weeks after we met online my wife and I knew we loved each other, and said so. My first wife had died and I was searching for a prayer partner to help me through this transition of grief. My first marriage lasted 33 years, and it was hard to be single once more after so long. But we put God at the center of our relationship from the beginning. We didn't know we were going to fall in love but God did, and He guided us to a wonderful marriage that has lasted almost five years at this point in time.

What is your relationship's foundation? Jesus told a story about two men: One built his house on sand, and everything went along alright until the rain came and undermined the foundation of sand under the house. The other man built his house on a rock, so that when the rain came there was no problem with the foundation washing away.

If you build your relationship on the things of this world like those mentioned above and others, then when hard times come in whatever form, your foundation won't be there when you need it most.
However, when you build your relationship with God at the center, then when things happen that are bad, your foundation will still be there if you keep trusting God. God wants you to be happy because He loves you, but you were given a choice to be close to Him or not, just like you will choose to be close or far away emotionally from your partner in this new relationship.

You are the only one who can make that choice in either case. God hopes you will choose to be close to Him so your relationship has a better chance of succeeding instead of ending in heartbreak and tears. James 4:8 says, "Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you". God has already made His move by making the way for you to be forgiven of everything you have ever done or ever will do. Now it is your choice to be close to Him or not. Your life and relationships will be so much more fulfilling if you have the right foundation. But the question is, what choice will you make?

How to Bring Up Talking About Marriage With Your Boyfriend

Girlfriend lets cut to the chase. If YOUR the one bringing up the subject of marriage with your boyfriend chances are you've got more than a little bit of frustration and hurt feelings going on. Am I right? And trust me on this. If he seems the least bit hesitant about discussing the subject of marriage you might just get all worked up, start feeling really hurt and rejected and throw out some crazy ultimatum that will ruin your relationship with him for good.

Understand this. Giving a guy you genuinely love a ultimatum is like throwing the relationship over the cliff. As your falling you realize you've made a terrible mistake but by then it's to late. Everyday out of desperation women the world over give the men they love ultimatums of "marry me or else". Confronting a guy with an all or nothing scenario will usually not have a positive outcome for either one of you. You lose out on a man you love and we already know he's out one hell of a women. Right?

So before you bring up the subject of marriage especially to a guy you've been dating for a year or more give some serious thought to the reasons he might have for not having proposed to you. Did he grow up watching his own parents fight? Did his father-or mother- for that matter walk out when he was a child? Were there constant financial pressures at home that he might have felt were caused by being married? Did he observe one parent controlling the other until they had sucked all the life out of their spouse?

Anticipate some of the reasons why the thought of commitment and marriage might make him want to run the other way when the subject is ever mentioned. Here's a feel good moment for you. Chances are you are not the reason he has not popped the question.

Take a look around. There are a lot of unhappy marriages littering the landscape. Maybe he just doesn't want to ruin the good thing he has with you. Marriage CAN be a wonderful thing when two people find their soul mate, face life's challenges together and come out the stronger for it with a love that transcends eternity.

Secrets for a GREAT Relationship

One of the greatest challenges for us is to 'enjoy' people and therefore 'enjoy' life. Other turbulence, do have an impact. They do leave lessons and scars. But, relationships gone wrong can leave behind deep throbbing hurtful wounds that blur vision of life.

Like the proverbial lighthouse that guides sailors in the darkest of the nights, a few beliefs have guided me in relationships even in nightmarish situations.

Here are those relationship navigators. Whenever I have done well, I have lived by one or a few of them. Every time I messed up (sometimes I have... ouch), I failed to live by one of them.

1. Let go of those people who are not there anymore. Especially the hurtful ones.

    They suck energy out of your today.

2. Always give sincere people, one more chance.
3. Tolerate idiots. In fact, work with them. Create them. Help them. Never tolerate insincere people.
4. Stay in touch with genuine people, no matter what.
5. Stay in touch with people who stood by you. NEVER desert them.
6. Nurture relationships with people who are better than you. It is a great exercise to bust your ego.
7. Treat EVERYONE with kindness and respect. You will feel peaceful. It's more for you and less for them.
8. Forgive yourself, if you have learnt from your relationship mistakes. Stop being guilty. Move on.
9. Forgive others and move on too. Let go of hurt and focus on being cheerful and happy.
10. While dealing with petty issues, do not become petty.
11. Learn to release your anger and frustrations through 'something' and not on somebody.
      Or else, you will hurt yourself and your dear ones.
12. Free yourself from the company of negative people. Right NOW.
13. Be the greatest 'good finder' in people. Tell them the good in them.
      That is what each one of us needs - Someone to tell us, what is good in us.
      Even if we know it, listening to it, serves a great morale booster.
14. Always praise. Never flatter.
15. Always want to 'give MORE' than what you receive. This is a must in any great relationship.
16. Write one thank you note, everyday... to different people.
17. Avoid being sarcastic. Ignore the sarcasms.
18. Listen. Listen. Listen. And then, listen a little more.
19. Discuss. Do not argue.
20. Never remind people what you have done for them. Always remember, what they did for you.
21. Be worthy.

     Worthy of affection, worthy of care, worthy of trust, worthy of your words, worthy of love, worthy of            abundance.

22. Never hurt others. It's not worth it. Revenge never heals. The hurt remains. Only forgiveness heals.
23. Whatever happens, be trustworthy. The biggest let down in relationships is breaking of trust.
24. If you are even slightly wrong, say sorry emphatically and immediately. Do this without any explanations.
      Do you have any guidelines that you want to share with us? Things and thoughts that have worked for           you? We would love to read your ideas about the three best things that have worked for you in                     relationships.

Women's Wisdom: The Queen Rules

Stop me if you have heard this before but I am going to repeat myself. As a woman of a certain age (and some inherent wisdom) I am usually having tremendous "fun in dating". I firmly think that dating should be fun if it isn't fun at this stage of a relationship, it is going to be really hard work at some point!

Today though that attitude was not very prevalent... A past weekend in cottage country that was to be so relaxing and fun and pleasurable with my beau turned out to be unfortunately dealing mostly with his 'inner 7 year old' (which unfortunately became his outer 7 year old for most of the weekend)!

I like to date well grounded, emotionally mature and available men who are not high maintenance or into drama. I am very blunt up front in the first and second dates: they get a Goddess and I get an alpha male (not a boy). Those that know me well know that I often say "when a Goddess is happy, the whole world is happy"... (I am paraphrasing a more cruder version of Mama Gena's saying btw)

So I was looking to vent or commiserate with someone and popped onto the "AndThat'sWhyYourSingle" blog site and got to read all about a "Reluctant Cougar".

Now I am considered cougar age - I don't think of myself that way but in society's view I am. In fact, a man that is significantly younger (19 years) than I am and who has been trying to date me for several months, asked me point blank if I could conceive of adding him onto my dating card. He took the "no" graciously and we amicably agreed that dating wasn't what he really wanted anyways (he is in fact still getting out of his marriage, still living with her in the same condo and really only wants to get over his celibate life... !). During the online conversation where I advised him that there were other women who think like I do and who do not need a man to complete them, he asked if I could coach him on tips on how to find and date a woman who could handle his somewhat bizarre living circumstances. I said "Of course I can - it is what I do for a living!". I am like a dating muse - a dating expert.

I mentioned that my initial advice was he needed to tap into a woman of maturity, someone who had her own place and her own life already and who would enjoy some good strong male attention - and, that he needed to make sure that is what he delivered! Show up as a man - not a boy. I know men think it is about them yet with a well grounded, emotionally mature woman, we are looking for the same in our men. We don't want to be a man's mommy nor his big sister (we have probably been both at some point in our lives to date). We want to have fun and pleasure in dating; we want to be the yin to the yang; we want to have the luxury of our inner sex kitten come out to play.

So in the writing of this I have recalibrated and now can remember that I have access to a wonderful guy in my life that gets the "queen rules". He comes up with a Plan A, a Plan B and maybe even a backup and then asks me to pick what we want to do - aka queen rules.

Actually, I have several men in my life that get two of my standard rules of engagement:: "it's often queen rules" and that "the little boy must die".

Over the years, I have coached, prodded and maybe even begged my guy friends to offer this type of dating maturity to women.

Women - Don't Be Afraid Of Making A Stand For Yourself

Women, if a relationship does not give you what you need, so do not be afraid to make a stand for you. Do not give your power while waiting for a man to make a decision that would affect your life too. A man is not his head. You are the boss of his life and he is the head of his life. When both of you are strong in yourself , then you two have all come together as leaders who can work together to build a common goal . You will come to know that emotional games has not participated in a healthy relationship and growing. This is where the two come together to build, develop and work in the intimacy in your relationship . Healthy communication is also necessary for a working relationship that is part of our growth and development to be healthy, individually and collectively. The end of a relationship should never occur if only exacerbate the problems.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women doing is waiting for a man to decide where your life is concerned. Women must get our strength, our own life and be a kind of feeling of women. It is your responsibility to be the mother of a man . It must develop the man you want to be. Women, if you work on yourself more and more that will not be too overwhelmed by a man who is not even more . The goal is to have a healthy intimate relationship and can not be taken if one or two people in the relationship is not growing. We must focus on our personal growth and development so that we can attract a healthy relationship with a man who has also focused on personal growth and development.

Women, it is very important that we work on ourselves more , healing our insecurities and end nonprogressive old beliefs that keep us stuck in unhealthy relationships. Not enough to know what not to do , is very important to heal and grow our inner child to our basic emotions and plant back what works in construction. This is where he will blindly follow what we learned as children by adults around us. We want to work on building a strong and healthy intimate relationship in which two people work together rather than against each other .

Like the way a man looks at a woman to see if it is the matter of women , we women need vetting of a man to see if he is husband material . Rather , it becomes a material husband. It has to do and do it for you . Yes , we women have to stand up for ourselves , so that when a man is what he wants to do everything possible to push yourself so you can live and walk to be important to us husband responds . If you like a woman in your life progresses, then it would be better to wait for a man in your life progresses.

Do not settle for less than you deserve because you feel that you must be married and have children already . OK unless they apply only to derail our life, because it will pass always to take the other person will . It's too much work. Then become too tired to focus on growing and before you know you have been spilled into the chaos and now you have to plunge into chaos to back up your life. Focus on your own growth and allow a man to focus on growth. Gather then, if there is a link to form a strong bond .

When you start to push yourself , you will also develop self-love and inner strength and self-love and inner strength that will help you stand on your own if you have not found the game right arm who you are. If a man continues to operate from the level of emotional mind games then this is not the man for you and is not afraid to walk away from a man. Women, from today you say that you choose. When you stand up for yourself and not allow a man to play with you , if a man who really respect you even more for standing by it and will not take nonsense from him. And if you're already in a relationship where things are out of balance , it will be a man again when you start to regain his composure . And if you do not, so now they have the presence of mind to get out of such an unhealthy alliance.

As women create a more powerful existence when a man knows he can not walk on us. This does not mean that the relationship must be on their terms. However, if the relationship is one-sided and that the woman is the one to give and in the process of burying your feelings and desires, then this is not the best or most healthy relationship to be in. There are should not be about who can break the other person first. It's a twisted relationship without love. A healthy relationship is emotionally clean, healthy and both parties must honor . So if you find that you are the one who gives and try to fix things, then you should consider getting a better support for it . Sometimes that means the position of being on your own. It is possible that other women do not like you . This is great . Make a stand for yourself also means that you try not to be part of a club shirt. You are your own woman and not bow down to anyone.

Women learn to honor who you are. Honor your feelings , meet their goals, dreams and life. You shower vanity and not feel that something is wrong with you if you're still not married , do not want to get married or if you have or not to have children . This is not what being a woman is about . Know your own value and not allow anyone to make you threw down their value . Stand in your heart and your own power . Being a woman of substance and walk with shoulders back , head high and true that the Queen of Sheba. You're a queen, you're a goddess, you are an empress . Do not accept anything less .

Meet the Parents: What to Do When Meeting Potential In-Laws for the First Time

Family meeting your significant other for the first time is one of the most difficult moments of the relationship. Although it seems that this should be a fairly simple thing, you will be surprised how many people fail this important test of the strength of a relationship . How you behave when you met potential future in-laws for the first time not only set a precedent for the relationship with the parents of your partner, but also gives your partner a better understanding of their level of maturity and potential for a lasting relationship.

If he / she does not have the blessing of his family to pursue a life with you , chances are they will not stay in the relationship. Remember, most parents do not try to find fault for the sake of finding fault . Most just want to make sure your son / daughter is in a healthy relationship with a healthy , stable and friendly partner. Here are some tips to make the first meeting with officials of other positive families :

First, take this opportunity seriously. Like it or not , you will be judged . Be proud of your outfit. Guys, leave the tattered jeans and wrinkled shirts concerts at home and clean appearance. Ladies, do not direct go to the gym , so yoga pants are a no-no . The same is true for jeggings , revealing clothing , etc. The event is considered a job interview and pay attention to the nature of the first impression you make .

Second, we do not know of another family that your partner is significant. Ask questions before hand so that you can plan accordingly. It is customary to bring a gift when your family gathered in his home, but finding the right gift requires research partner . For example, a bottle of wine is a great gift , but when his father is an alcoholic. And flowers are nice, unless your mother is allergic to them .

According to background information is especially important if your SO 's family is from a different culture . Learn ways and common greetings and show respect for the legacy of his companion. Be especially careful when it comes to dealing with household members . Ask the person wishes to be addressed before the deal a polite way is to first try as Mr. or Ms. ( name here) and leave gives you a choice if they wish .

Third, do not forget your manners. No swearing or telling jokes in a bad mood or greyish stories. Always say "please " and " thank you ." Commended when the opportunity for her, but do not be naive about it. One of the easiest ways to stay educated for the entire visit is to avoid alcohol and impaired judgment does not flatter anyone.

Be kind to everyone , including the horrible little dog will not stop jumping on her carefully chosen team. Remember the common phrase - " . If someone is good for you, but rude to the waiter, who are not a good person " This is especially true when it comes to other members of the family, including non - humans. Generally avoid sensitive topics such as religion and politics.

Finally, show a generous amount of respect for date and his family. Treat him / her as they are the most important in your life to be. Never embarrass or shame them in front of their families. This is an important rule to follow at all times - not just on special occasions . People want to be edified by your partner - not down.
Finally, be yourself - or at least be an educated and refined version of yourself . Relax and enjoy the time you spend with your honey and friends . You may be nervous, but this is expected. Review your ways and be a good customer are the best ways to earn more of your potential on laws and show your partner that you really care about him / her and his family.

Why Pre-Marriage Counseling Is Suggested To Couples

Getting married is an integral part of life, even though many people still prefer to have a live in relationship. Those who decide to take the plunge and install them are encouraged to seek premarital counseling to understand how they are organized . It is very important not to give advice is recommended because it can give an idea of ​​a number of factors , which may have been ignored so far.

Look at how a Christian counselor will be able to prepare a couple of married life with a few tips .
A Christian counselor looks several factors before providing advice requested by the couple. The level of motivation between each couple and their preparation for marriage is one of the most important factors to consider . Explanations will be provided to the partner about what it means to have a Christian marriage help them understand the value of the improvement. Information on creating and sharing hopes and goals set will also be given at the same time .

Running a home is not an easy task and a newly married couple will be difficult to do so without notice. Budget information for everyday life and cost management within their known sources of income appropriately will also be given . Another important factor is to get married on parental romance and show love to one another. Methods on how these problems can be identified and measures will be discussed with the couple for advice.

It is possible that the Christian counselor approached for this task can suggest a few sessions with the couple before they can be considered quite ready for marriage. It is suggested that couples follow the advice given , since only help improve their married life.

We must also understand that couples should contact a marriage counselor who has extensive experience in dealing with these issues.

Trying to have a discussion with a counselor without experience could provide information to couples and not the essential parts . Therefore, it is important to contact an experienced professional who will be able to fully prepare for a step they are about to take . Premarital counseling should not be ignored because it can give an idea of the kind of life you have to lead and prepare for the challenges that you might not have heard.

Women and The Fear of Settling Down

Men are not the only ones who are afraid to move , women are afraid to be put in place and for the same reasons as men. Contrary to popular opinion , women are not necessarily afraid to move because of some wounds of the past , which was paid on them by some canine - man . And it is the same for men. There are many women who do not want to give up his bachelor life and settle down with a man. Women cling to your bachelorette hood as hard as men cling to their only cover. Of course, there are men and women who sign up with happiness in marriage and domestic life with pleasure. Well, he does not speak of those. So happy for them . There are women who like to spend their money as they wish, without having to think about when two people can think about number one. These women do not have to go out and party , drink , go wild and connect with sexy hot guy at the bar . Although it can be fun too. ( So I hear ) . :))

There are women who love their freedom and are in no rush to run down the aisle of a burst of a white dress with a bouquet in her hands in anger. This seems so tale princess . Just the idea of ??settling some women have outbreaks of hives, get an asthma attack and then go off. This does not mean that there are no great men out there who would make great husbands. Some women are simply not interested in settling down with one person for the rest of their natural born life.

However, even if some of this fear can come around more parents who hate each other, some of which could be the fear of not wanting to abandon celibacy. Maybe this woman has lived his life on his own terms and become accustomed to her life, she does not really see the need to give up her single life as she has been very successful and happy life of its own . Now there is another reason. If this woman is a strong woman , there are men who are intimidated by strong women. They may feel intimidated by this woman and find a woman who is less intimidating . NEXT ! That's what I say that if a man is intimidated by me and can not intervene to me as a mature adult male. Why a man who can not face me , but collapses or works every time ? Why a man who wants his ego stroked just so you can feel like a man? I will not play the damsel in distress for me to get nicer and subjected to a man.

There are many women who took home for themselves so they do not have time for the little woman to attract a man or to make a man feel good. A strong woman needs a strong man who can stand by your side as your counterpart . There is no question of a man who is physically strong , in spite of a man who is muscular enough to pick up and carry is very sexy and sexist woman. If you like that kind of guy like me. Anyway , I am. A woman does not need a man who knows himself and has to do with games or woman needs a man that folds in case of problems . It is for this reason that some women are afraid to install . Of course, this is why it is a get to know each other period , and if a man is not the woman just get on with your life .

There are men who can not handle half of what some women have lived so they are not able to measure a woman. There are also men who want women to be for them. So when women see the examples, just push the fear of there. She did not want to become a mother , wife, lover, and a doctor. A strong woman needs a strong man who can hold their own and can be next to her as a companion, a confidant and a rock of support. This woman has no problem treating this man like a king because he has already proven he will try to treat it like the queen .

A strong woman , a queen, has no problem spreading their king , a man appears with their actions , not their words , which may be next to her and be her other half full. A strong woman does not need a man to protect her. It can protect themselves if it is not looking for his Sir Galahad of the Knights of the Round Table. This woman needs a man who is in your corner and on your computer as it will be for him . This is why it can be difficult for women to want to move . From what she saw around it can be hard to believe that such a man exists, but they do. There are many relationships that work because both people have resisted what they wanted and worked to become complete in themselves so they can be attracted to your other half who is also complete in itself . Then come together in a healthy relationship and spiritual growth.

If , as a woman does not want to settle just because you want to be alone , then that's fine . Gone are the days when a single woman is considered an outcast by the village people because he is not married and has no children, and we are far from the days when a woman was considered vultures go after married men in the town. Single women pressed for themselves and live the fabulous life. However, if you are afraid to move , and he does not believe there are grown men out there, then you are doing a disservice . If you really want to settle down, build a wedding and get married, start working on yourself more and more in the kind of woman you marry . If it does not marry why can not expect a man who wants to marry you ?

If you do not work on yourself , heal past wounds and your growth you, then you'll never be ready for a mature and healthy marriage. Because marriage is more than just getting married. Two people can marry , however, two adults and mature people who work on their development as well as having a marriage are required. A wedding is where you build a deeper intimacy with others . It is where you have to develop yourself . You do before you have a wedding . When you have a marriage, then comes marriage . Sure, they are not all like that , and some have managed to build a marriage work, love and desire to stay together.

Women , when you start itself increasingly to the woman you want to be, they are more ready for another person in your life . You made a conscious decision to start working on yourself and increasingly decision. Take the time to take stock of your life and see where you can start developing you more . You can never overcome the fear of moving , however, if you really want to get married, but I remain open day a man who is as strong as your enter her life, that fear will gradually disappear and a beautiful friendship , love and marriage begins to materialize between two people who sincerely and truly love .

Money Matters: Seeing Eye to Eye About Finances in Your Relationship

When couples first get married, one of the fundamental changes they face is suddenly sharing their lives in ways they never have before. In an ideal world, these would all be happy changes, but without a doubt, there are also difficult adjustments that come with living a life in which the decisions are no longer yours alone. And the mother of all these is learning to share decisions about money.

You may have different spending habits. When one of you is more of a spender, and the other is more of a saver, this can obviously be a source of stress. You may have different ideas about where the money should go. When you're used to having all the say as a single person in how you handle money, learning to share, compromise and work together can be a challenge for any couple.
However, there is one fundamental decision you can make today that could make a world of difference in mitigating the problems that money causes in your day-to-day relationship: make a budget (and stick to it).

Now, I realize that's not as simple as it sounds, because it involves confronting all the challenges I mentioned above about reconciling the differences in your wants, needs and habits (although addressing them is in and of itself a good thing). However, as soon as you make the decision to treat budgeting more as math than a power struggle, to live within your means, and have a plan that brings you more security day-to-day as well as in the long-term, you're on your way to making your lives a lot less stressful. Here is the beautiful thing: when that happens, it frees up space in your mind and your relationship to work on some more of the fun stuff, like enjoying your time together.

This is equally important for single people, but for couples, money issues that get swept under the rug tend to morph into all kinds of different stresses that undermine your relationship while disguising themselves as problems that simply don't need to exist. Imagine if your partner's golf expenses, manicure bills or clothing charges-whatever they may be-became less about accusations of selfishness or carelessness and more about simple money management.

Studies have shown that major catastrophes-even financial ones-take less of a toll than the slow-burning ones that crop up over and over again, and that's where good budgeting can make a huge difference. People with relatively large incomes and those with more modest ones are equally capable of money mismanagement. To be clear, I am not giving any specific financial advice-I'm not qualified for that and wouldn't even pretend to be. But, I have learned from experience working with couples, or even just talking about friends, that when they're struggling to pay an unexpected bill because they don't have a rainy day fund, or get stuck with late fees because they overspent over the holidays, it causes a lot of stress. And in so many cases it can be avoided if you will make the commitment to plan, stick to your promises and keep open clear lines of communications about financial matters-preferably, before problems arise.

If it helps, take advantage of a neutral third party at your local bank or credit union-or even a good book about money management-as a source of impartial advice to deflate the tensions, accusations and emotions that can get in the way. The important thing to remember is that you are in this together, so use it as a way to strengthen your relationship and feel more secure.
The bottom line is that making a shared commitment to be responsible with your money can bring rewards tenfold-financially and emotionally-because the less time you waste worrying about how to pay the bills means more time and energy you have to enjoy the relationship, and that's always a good thing.