I often hear people talk about those three little words are harder to say in relationships. The
interesting thing for me is that when we talk about these three words,
recognize how important they are , but they keep getting all kinds of
reasons that can not be said . What's
even more interesting is that people will not say these words to those
who matter most of their spouses , fathers, mothers -in-law , daughters-
in-laws , siblings, children , extended , and even close friends family . These are the people who most need to hear those words . What are the three words I mean ? Sorry.
Say you're sorry takes courage because it makes you vulnerable. I know it's vulnerable, scary, but if you think that this is the price you pay for hurting someone. Nobody likes to make excuses, but nobody likes to be bad either. And when you get there , assuming that their words or actions have hurt someone you love , someone you really care - what you are doing that person shows how not matter to you .
Sometimes , trying to escape a sense of vulnerability , you could say hastily , "sorry" , and then try to change the subject or minimize what he has done by making excuses . This only exacerbates the situation . So, say you're sorry when you mean it , just to get the focus on you or just to spend . This can be worse than no apology at all. Believe me , the other person knows that you do not think , even if he or she says nothing . The very nature of this " drive-by " announcement loud and clear that you are trying to make this thing disappear apology. It is completely artificial. ( Not to mention the infamous hypocrite , "Sorry, but " that's not an apology at all! )
What usually happens after one of these types of "apology" is that you automatically expected the other person to be well again. If the other person always looks angry, you could even say the defense, " but I said I was sorry! " Like that you automatically erased blackboard . Yes , you said he was sorry , but if you are honest with yourself , even if you do not believe that they came from a place of truly wanting to resolve the pain and stress that you created. Remember , the other person is hurt by his words or actions, and the real point of apologizing is to let that person know how much you regret having hurt and that his intention was not to cause pain.
When you say "sorry " to someone hurts you , first consider the following key points :Own. Say you're sorry and then tells the other person you're sorry. Use words to let people know that you really understand the impact of their words or actions had.Play . Apology not rush . Although difficult, let the other person talk about their pain without making excuses .Ask for it. Ask the other person what you can do to improve things or to repair the damage that has been created and then do it.
If , however , you are on the receiving end of an apology? What do you do when you hear those words from someone else? Some of you say melt and simple: " I forgive you" , even if the pain is still very present. You forgive easily because you want the stress and tension between the two of you to go. But are you really forgive the other person for the damage and pain he or she caused you , or the person giving the "drive -by" excuses that I described above , just try moving so you can return quickly to the status quo?
Others of you may have the opposite reaction when someone apologizes . You may tend to stand and hold on to your pain like it is a badge of honor. You may refuse to accept an apology from the other person, no matter what! Yes , you are injured . And yes, the other person may have said or done something that cuts deep , maybe more than they 've ever been before cutting. But what does it take for you to let go? If the arrested person really apologize for his mistake , really hear when you express your pain, and I really wanted to find a way to make you feel better , then it is not the best possible scenario ? And you have to win to keep his injury ?
Often when you do not want to let go of the hurt and pain caused not because you feel you are the other person has not suffered enough. Do not you think (or if you do not want to believe ) that the other person knows that he or she has hurt you . But what if that person really knows ? What would it take for you to forgive , then?
Forgiveness is not easy. How to say "Sorry, " Forgiveness takes courage. Requires the ability to balance accept that the other person is the trust honestly feel that he or she will make a real effort not to hurt that way again.
Here are some suggestions that might help you :
Play . Pay attention to the voice of the other person in the apology , and watch your body language. This will help you know if the apology is genuine.Share . Be prepared to share openly with the other person how you feel and why. Just look at the reaction of the other person that you shared again, this will help you know if you can trust the excuses.
Say you're sorry takes courage because it makes you vulnerable. I know it's vulnerable, scary, but if you think that this is the price you pay for hurting someone. Nobody likes to make excuses, but nobody likes to be bad either. And when you get there , assuming that their words or actions have hurt someone you love , someone you really care - what you are doing that person shows how not matter to you .
Sometimes , trying to escape a sense of vulnerability , you could say hastily , "sorry" , and then try to change the subject or minimize what he has done by making excuses . This only exacerbates the situation . So, say you're sorry when you mean it , just to get the focus on you or just to spend . This can be worse than no apology at all. Believe me , the other person knows that you do not think , even if he or she says nothing . The very nature of this " drive-by " announcement loud and clear that you are trying to make this thing disappear apology. It is completely artificial. ( Not to mention the infamous hypocrite , "Sorry, but " that's not an apology at all! )
What usually happens after one of these types of "apology" is that you automatically expected the other person to be well again. If the other person always looks angry, you could even say the defense, " but I said I was sorry! " Like that you automatically erased blackboard . Yes , you said he was sorry , but if you are honest with yourself , even if you do not believe that they came from a place of truly wanting to resolve the pain and stress that you created. Remember , the other person is hurt by his words or actions, and the real point of apologizing is to let that person know how much you regret having hurt and that his intention was not to cause pain.
When you say "sorry " to someone hurts you , first consider the following key points :Own. Say you're sorry and then tells the other person you're sorry. Use words to let people know that you really understand the impact of their words or actions had.Play . Apology not rush . Although difficult, let the other person talk about their pain without making excuses .Ask for it. Ask the other person what you can do to improve things or to repair the damage that has been created and then do it.
If , however , you are on the receiving end of an apology? What do you do when you hear those words from someone else? Some of you say melt and simple: " I forgive you" , even if the pain is still very present. You forgive easily because you want the stress and tension between the two of you to go. But are you really forgive the other person for the damage and pain he or she caused you , or the person giving the "drive -by" excuses that I described above , just try moving so you can return quickly to the status quo?
Others of you may have the opposite reaction when someone apologizes . You may tend to stand and hold on to your pain like it is a badge of honor. You may refuse to accept an apology from the other person, no matter what! Yes , you are injured . And yes, the other person may have said or done something that cuts deep , maybe more than they 've ever been before cutting. But what does it take for you to let go? If the arrested person really apologize for his mistake , really hear when you express your pain, and I really wanted to find a way to make you feel better , then it is not the best possible scenario ? And you have to win to keep his injury ?
Often when you do not want to let go of the hurt and pain caused not because you feel you are the other person has not suffered enough. Do not you think (or if you do not want to believe ) that the other person knows that he or she has hurt you . But what if that person really knows ? What would it take for you to forgive , then?
Forgiveness is not easy. How to say "Sorry, " Forgiveness takes courage. Requires the ability to balance accept that the other person is the trust honestly feel that he or she will make a real effort not to hurt that way again.
Here are some suggestions that might help you :
Play . Pay attention to the voice of the other person in the apology , and watch your body language. This will help you know if the apology is genuine.Share . Be prepared to share openly with the other person how you feel and why. Just look at the reaction of the other person that you shared again, this will help you know if you can trust the excuses.
Respond thoughtfully. When someone asks you how he or she can do for you, think about the question before answering. This could be just the ticket you need to make a major positive change in the relationship.
As difficult as it may truly be said and heard - the words "Sorry, " I recognize the moment for what it really is: an opportunity to deepen and strengthen the relationship, take it to a new level of closeness and trust . Do not be surprised if you change not only the relationship, but also to profoundly change both, too!
