Lucas had to join Emily in the restaurant at 7, which was when they were supposed to meet his best friends, Joe and Maggie. It was the birthday of Joe and Maggie. They wanted to share with Lucas because Lucas and Emily and Emily were the ones who started first. They were a quartet since.
Emily arrived at the restaurant at 6:55 . Joe and Maggie got there at 7:05 . At 7:15 there was no sign of Lucas . When Emily Lucas reached on his mobile , it was clear that he had completely lost track of time . He had not even left the house .
Scenario # 1 - When Emily disconnects the call with Luke , Maggie and turns to Joe and said, " Sorry, guys Luc running behind you know how - .. He is so absorbed in his work that he has lost track time. once creativity began to flow , he loses himself in his writing . " She smiled knowingly and Joe and Maggie said , with obvious affection in his voice, "This is just a wonderful example of stories of the writer about their reality . Soon be here . We sat at the bar and have a drink when we are waiting for him. " Joe and Maggie , following the example of Emily , smile and go on the bar.
Scenario # 2 - . . . When Emily disconnects the call with Luke , turns to Maggie and Joe and said, "I'm so embarrassed Lucas was, as usual , lost in his own little world ruled on this as like him to be reckless with other dinner I think there is . to go for our dinner Si. , and when it finally arrives , you can only catch up. " she goes to the hostess and said its fourth may or may not join them , but she wants to be seated immediately . Maggie and Joe are heading for their irritability with Lucas, but shrug and go , on their way to your table.
The fact that Lucas was late was not different in the two scenarios . What was different was how Emily responded to the delay. Emily Lucas attribute the delay very different in both cases. In scenario # 1 , Emily focuses on good quality Lucas - creativity. Negative behavior in a positive source is assigned . Thus , it remains positive herself , although he is disappointed it's too late .In scenario # 2 Emily Lucas interprets behavior as originating in a negative quality - a lack of consideration for others . After assigning a negative behavior a negative quality Lucas , Emily becomes very negative itself, irritable and angry and hurt .Scenario # 2 has to be this way ? Which influenced the address? Emily has an option ?
First principle - there is always a reason. This reaction did not come from nowhere. If things are going well in the relationship, in general, if there is a positive relationship between the general partners , there is a much greater risk of Scenario 1 . Whatever happens , will probably be seen in a more positive light . If things are not going well in general, if there is a negative relationship between the general partners , there is a much greater risk of Scenario 2 . Whatever happens will be seen in a more negative light.
Second principle - yes, it's not a choice. Part of being in a relationship that includes the responsibility to find the positive in your partner. This does not mean to neglect or ignore hurtful or insulting behavior. This does not mean returning to a base of trust. Trust that your partner wants to be a good partner , wants to make you happy, be successful, and is not indifferent to their feelings. So make an effort from outside your immediate reaction to focus on the positive. Then you work your way to confidence. If the problem persists , take your partner with open hands - share your feelings in a non-adversarial way , trust your partner to understand their feelings and be sensitive to them will be a good partner.
When you can choose positively and with confidence, you can move your generally negative relationship to the overall positive consideration. Welcome to scenario 1 .Dr. Benna Sherman was a private practice licensed in Severna Park , Maryland psychologist for over 20 years. She has a specialty in couples counseling / relationship and write a fortnightly column on relationships. His book, " How to get and give love - Relationship Maps " is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle.
Emily arrived at the restaurant at 6:55 . Joe and Maggie got there at 7:05 . At 7:15 there was no sign of Lucas . When Emily Lucas reached on his mobile , it was clear that he had completely lost track of time . He had not even left the house .
Scenario # 1 - When Emily disconnects the call with Luke , Maggie and turns to Joe and said, " Sorry, guys Luc running behind you know how - .. He is so absorbed in his work that he has lost track time. once creativity began to flow , he loses himself in his writing . " She smiled knowingly and Joe and Maggie said , with obvious affection in his voice, "This is just a wonderful example of stories of the writer about their reality . Soon be here . We sat at the bar and have a drink when we are waiting for him. " Joe and Maggie , following the example of Emily , smile and go on the bar.
Scenario # 2 - . . . When Emily disconnects the call with Luke , turns to Maggie and Joe and said, "I'm so embarrassed Lucas was, as usual , lost in his own little world ruled on this as like him to be reckless with other dinner I think there is . to go for our dinner Si. , and when it finally arrives , you can only catch up. " she goes to the hostess and said its fourth may or may not join them , but she wants to be seated immediately . Maggie and Joe are heading for their irritability with Lucas, but shrug and go , on their way to your table.
The fact that Lucas was late was not different in the two scenarios . What was different was how Emily responded to the delay. Emily Lucas attribute the delay very different in both cases. In scenario # 1 , Emily focuses on good quality Lucas - creativity. Negative behavior in a positive source is assigned . Thus , it remains positive herself , although he is disappointed it's too late .In scenario # 2 Emily Lucas interprets behavior as originating in a negative quality - a lack of consideration for others . After assigning a negative behavior a negative quality Lucas , Emily becomes very negative itself, irritable and angry and hurt .Scenario # 2 has to be this way ? Which influenced the address? Emily has an option ?
First principle - there is always a reason. This reaction did not come from nowhere. If things are going well in the relationship, in general, if there is a positive relationship between the general partners , there is a much greater risk of Scenario 1 . Whatever happens , will probably be seen in a more positive light . If things are not going well in general, if there is a negative relationship between the general partners , there is a much greater risk of Scenario 2 . Whatever happens will be seen in a more negative light.
Second principle - yes, it's not a choice. Part of being in a relationship that includes the responsibility to find the positive in your partner. This does not mean to neglect or ignore hurtful or insulting behavior. This does not mean returning to a base of trust. Trust that your partner wants to be a good partner , wants to make you happy, be successful, and is not indifferent to their feelings. So make an effort from outside your immediate reaction to focus on the positive. Then you work your way to confidence. If the problem persists , take your partner with open hands - share your feelings in a non-adversarial way , trust your partner to understand their feelings and be sensitive to them will be a good partner.
When you can choose positively and with confidence, you can move your generally negative relationship to the overall positive consideration. Welcome to scenario 1 .Dr. Benna Sherman was a private practice licensed in Severna Park , Maryland psychologist for over 20 years. She has a specialty in couples counseling / relationship and write a fortnightly column on relationships. His book, " How to get and give love - Relationship Maps " is now available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle.
